Dog Tales
I have a Labrador/Akita mix and a smaller Heinze Variety type dog and was buying a large bag of Purina at the local store the other day.
I was waiting in the check-out line when the woman behind me saw the 30 pound bag in my trolley and asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her no. I was starting The Purina Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time. But, I had lost 75 pounds once before, and felt I needed to shed
some 20 pounds I seemed to have gained again. Last time, however, I did
awaken in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is you drink at least eight 12oz. glasses of water a day and
just load your trouser pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry, as the food is nutritionally complete.
So, I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, especially a tall heavy man behind her.
Horrified, she askedme if it was the cause of my hospital stay or if I'd been
poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls
and a car hit me.
The tall guy, standing behind the fat guy, nearly had to stagger out of
the store, oxygen-depleted from laughter. The lady who had asked me if I
had a dog, just stood and glared at me, never smiling, until I paid the
bill and left. But I saw a lot of happy people in the line behind me and
a lot of smiles. I guess it was a good day! 8/01/2006 01:05:00 AM