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Labels: funny_pictures, General
12/12/2008 08:46:00 PM 0 comments
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny and it goes from 0 to 150 in about three seconds.
So I bought her a scale.
It was then the fight started...
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
It was then the fight started...
I accidentally rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road as the other driver slowly got out of his car. Do you know how sometimes, when you just get soooo stressed, little things seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... the other driver was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I swear, I just couldn't help it.
I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?'
It was then the fight started...
When I got home the other night, my wife demanded I take her some where expensive... so, I took her to a pertrol/gas station...
And then the fight started....
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, she's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could celebrate so long?'
And then the fight started...
Labels: General, playonwords
12/07/2008 02:25:00 PM 0 comments How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is the Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman that can't even afford a washing machine is probably too poor to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A Man once told me...."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men break wind more often than women?
Because a woman can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?
The dog, of course, he'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she is told.
Labels: chauvinist, General, men, Men_vs_Women, wife, Women
12/07/2008 12:03:00 PM 0 comments 
