Massive Heart Attack
An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER Doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said,
While I'm afraid he is brain-dead, his heart is still beating."
"Oh, Dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock!
"We've never had a Democrat in the family before!"
Major Historical Event
My niece's class assignment was to interview a senior citizen about his or her life, so she asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?" "I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied. She looked disappointed. "Why was that dance was so important to you?"
A retirement dinner
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.
A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. As he was delayed, the priest decided to speak while they waited: "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here.. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled.
Still, as the days went on I learned my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived. In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.'
The Moral of this story: Never, Never, Never Ever, Be Late