An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly
to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long
wait, the ER Doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly,
he said,
While I'm afraid he is brain-dead, his heart is still beating."
"Oh, Dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks
with shock!
"We've never had a Democrat in the family before!" 3/28/2009 07:30:00 AM 0 comments
My niece's class assignment was to interview a senior citizen about his
or her life, so she asked me, "What was the biggest historical event
that happened during your childhood?"
"I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied.
She looked disappointed. "Why was that dance was so important to you?" 3/28/2009 07:27:00 AM 0 comments
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.
A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. As he was delayed, the priest decided to speak while they waited:
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here.. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his
way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.
I was appalled.
Still, as the days went on I learned my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived. In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.'
The Moral of this story: Never, Never, Never Ever, Be Late
Labels: could_be_true, funny_stories, moral, story, US, Wise
3/18/2009 08:20:00 AM 0 comments Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The Coroner calls the Police Inspector and says:
"The first body is a 72 year old Frenchman. He died of heart failure while with his mistress, hence the enormous smile."
"The second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age. He won a thousand dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Nancy Pelosi,Speaker of the House, 66, struck by lightning."
"Why is she smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"She thought she was having her picture taken.
Labels: funny_stories, General, US
3/02/2009 05:22:00 PM 0 comments 