A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times..?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative ; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
"Husband # 6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
"Husband # 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........ God I miss him.
" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?
"You're with the"GOVERNMENT".... This time I know I’m gonna get screwed."
Labels: Husband, Marriage, wife
10/21/2009 03:32:00 PM 0 comments
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and bloodshot eyes. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up all night and watched him."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, the same thing. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said," Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night it was Fred's turn. Fred was an old cowboy who'd been around the block a few times. The next morning Fred came to breakfast, 'bright eyed and bushy tailed'. His hunting buddies were stunned and asked him, "What happened?"
He drawled, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went over and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the ass, and gave him a good night kiss. Bob sat up and watched me all night."
Labels: Cowboy, funny_stories, US
10/21/2009 03:29:00 PM 0 comments A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge
quietly reviews some papers and then says,
"Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says,
"I live in a two-story house."
The Judge replies,
"What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story
house?"
The man answers,
"Well, Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is
'It's that time of the month.'"
Labels: Men_vs_Women
10/06/2009 12:05:00 PM 0 comments An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the10/01/2009 08:17:00 AM 0 comments
bathroom something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find
any public bathroom to relieve himself.
So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just
as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.
"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked.
"I'm sorry," the American replied, "but I really gotta go."
"You can't do that here," the officer told him. "Look, follow me."
The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass,
pretty flowers, and manicured hedges.
"Here," said the policeman, "whiz away."
The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started urinating
on the flowers.
"Ahhh," he said in relief.
Then turning toward the officer, he said,
"This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?"
"No," retorted the policeman. "It's the French Embassy."
