One day my house work-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me:
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma'
And they say blondes are dumb...
Labels: blonde, men, Men_vs_Women, US, wife, Women
11/03/2009 12:15:00 PM 0 comments
Five rules for men to follow for a happy life.
- It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
- It’s important to have a woman who you can make laugh.
- It’s important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.
- It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
- It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Labels: men, Men_vs_Women, Women
7/27/2009 08:15:00 PM 0 comments - It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
- It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
- It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
- It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
- It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Labels: chauvinist, men, Men_vs_Women, Women
1/23/2009 11:29:00 AM 0 comments How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is the Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman that can't even afford a washing machine is probably too poor to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A Man once told me...."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men break wind more often than women?
Because a woman can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?
The dog, of course, he'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she is told.
Labels: chauvinist, General, men, Men_vs_Women, wife, Women
12/07/2008 12:03:00 PM 0 comments 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'
4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
'You are going to get it when you get home!'
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'
19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!
Labels: General, kids, mother, Wise, Women
4/17/2008 08:10:00 AM 0 comments When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her,"but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter than men.
Labels: men, Men_vs_Women, money, Old_Men, Wise, Women
8/23/2007 08:23:00 PM 0 comments A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; When ever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Pepper."
Labels: Boom_Boom, Medical, sex, US, Women
8/01/2007 04:56:00 PM 0 comments There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses.
The results are pretty interesting:
1. 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him. He's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
Labels: men, Men_vs_Women, playonwords, US, Women
7/18/2007 12:45:00 PM 0 comments 