An elderly Gentleman, goes on a hunting safari in Africa, taking his
faithful, old dog he had named Genius (because he was the smartest dog
Neil had ever know) along for the company. One day, Genius starts chasing rabbits and before long, he discovers
he's lost his way. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly
in his direction with the intention of having lunch. So Genius thinks, "Oh, ho! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Then noticing some
bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the
bones with his back to the approaching predator.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old dog exclaims loudly,
"Boy, was that one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more
around here?" Hearing this, the young leopard halts his approach, a look of terror
comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew! what a close one! That old dog nearly had me!" A monkey who had been watching the whole thing from a nearby tree,
figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for some
future protection from the leopard. So, off he goes after the leopard.
Only Genius sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and
being a very smart experienced old dog, he figures something bad must be
up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and
strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is
furious at being made a fool of and says,
"Here, monkey, hop up on my back and watch what's happens to conniving
canine! Now, Genius sees the leopard coming toward him with the monkey on his
back and thinks,
"What am I going to do now?",
Thinking fast, Genius, instead of his running, he sits down with his
back to the leopard and his snitch, pretending he hasn't seen them yet.
Then just when they get close enough to hear, the old dog acting Like he
is talking to himself says, "I wonder where's the monkey is? It is been long enough since I sent
him off to bring me another leopard !
Moral of this story... Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and Skill will always overcome Youth and Energy!
Labels: animals, funny_stories
3/08/2010 10:16:00 AM 0 comments
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to
the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said,
"I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever..
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from
top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on
its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room..
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.
"$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150
Labels: animals, financial, General, money, playonwords, US
11/03/2009 12:29:00 PM 0 comments My five-year old students are learning to read.
Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, 'Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!'
I took a deep breath, then asked, "What did you call it?"
"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"
And so it does...
Hooked on phonics! Gotta love it...
Labels: animals, could_be_true, funny_stories, General, kids
8/03/2008 08:52:00 PM 0 comments A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa , taking his faithful, elderly Jack Russell named Killer , along for the company.
One day the old Jack Russell starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Jack Russell thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old Jack Russell nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old Jack Russell sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Jack Russell says...
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
Labels: animals, General, Wise
5/06/2008 11:00:00 PM 0 comments A prostitute walks into a bar. She spots a koala bear sitting at the end of the bar. After a little small-talk and flirting, the koala bear goes home with her. They frolic all night long. The next morning, the koala gets up and wanders towards the door.
"HEY! Where are you going?" yells the prostitute. "I haven`t been paid!"
Realizing that he is a koala bear and might not understand, she reaches for a dictionary and looks up *prostitute*.
She shows him the definition:
PROSTITUTE (pros`ti toot) n. A woman who performs services for money. The koala bear looks at her and then grabs the dictionary.
He shows her a definition:
KOALA BEAR (ko all e Bare) n. A furry marsupial. Eats bush and leaves.
Labels: animals, playonwords
6/06/2007 10:56:00 AM 