The New Alphabet

A is for Apple, and B is for Boat, That used to be right, But now it won’t float!
Age before Beauty is what we once said, But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.

  • A’s for arthritis;
  • B’s the bad back,
  • C is the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?
  • D is for dental decay and decline,
  • E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!
  • F is for fissures and fluid retention,
  • G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.
  • H is high blood pressure — I’d rather it low;
  • I for incisions with scars you can show.
  • J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,
  • K is for knees that crack when they bend.
  • L for libido, what happened to sex?
  • M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
  • N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
  • O is for osteo, the bones that don’t grow!
  • P for prescription’s, I have quite a few; just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!
  • Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
  • R for reflux, one meal turns to two.
  • S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
  • T for Tinnitus; there’s bells in my ears!
  • U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
  • V is for vertigo, that’s “dizzy,” you know.
  • W is for worry, NOW what’s going ’round?
  • X is for X ray, and what might be found.
  • Y is another year I’m left here behind,
  • Z is for zest I still have — in my mind.

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed, And I’ve kept twenty-six ‘doctors’ fully employed!!!

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