13 Reasons to Smile!
- Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my OWN pants.
- Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
- I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it. So I said “Implants?” She hit me.
- How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
- A good friend will come and bail you out of jail…but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Wow…that was fun!”
- I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!
- When I was young we used to go “skinny dipping,” now I just “chunky dunk.”
- Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
- Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctrl Alt Delete’ and start all over?
- Wouldn’t you know it… Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
- Bumper sticker of the year: “If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it’s in English, thank a soldier”
- And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.