Two Liners

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says, "If you keep on behaving like this, you’ll lose ALL your friends"

A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Send me a brother."
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress.

Husband asks spouse, "Do you know the meaning of W.I.F.E.??
It’s Without Information, Fighting Every time."
Wife replies, "No, It means, With Idiot For Ever!"

What’s the difference between stress, tension, and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, and my mom fainted, dad had a heart attack, & our neighbour ran away.

A women asks a man who is traveling with six children,
"Are all these kids yours??"
The man replies sarcastically, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints."

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son. I’m confident about that.
Your friend over there is also my son. That’s confidential!"

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